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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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12:11 pm
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Hi, to all that still use this as a form of communication. I am doing well i guess. I have a strong urge for revenge and forgiveness. I have good friends up here and it isn't that i don't reolize it i just want him. It is hard to hard to understand why i want him he tried to kill me... I just feel empty and wierd... maybe the wierdness is because of something else but i associate it with him because i didn't feel wierd before. May be it is just me trying to get used to not having him with me all the time 24/7.I miss him, and i want to tell him that but i can't let myself.... i just can't do it. So this is what my inter termoil has been for past three months. Nothing new... not really performing and learning a ton about humans in general. why is every one so ignorant... is it by choice. I know if i were ignorant towards a bunch of things i think i would be happy but only for a few seconds because then i would get screwed again by someone who likes to fuck with peoples heads... namely our govt. but there are others out there... I think they aren't happy... something dramatic happend to them. So i want to kill them with kindness..... they can be mean all they want and kindness will prevail. oh well maybe it wont and i will be shot in the back of the head by some idiot who thinks violence can solve all problems. who knows... i just want to hide.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 29th, 2003
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9:56 pm - Shity times man
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I am glad i am back to school :) but why do i just have a shitty taste in men? kyle is being such a jack ass i am really frustrated with him. i just wish he would stop avoiding me so we can just brake up if thats is what is going to happen, i feel i am left in the dark when it comes to what is going on in his head. i am sorry for all of you that figured i didn't care anymore, i just don't really do anything exciting. hehehe.... anyway thanks for letting me rant.
current mood:  disappointed
current music: Jane's addiction
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
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12:43 am - happy birthday to Jess and me
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as of july 31 and aug.2 jess and i are 19. nothing has really been going on, my rents found a house and school will be starting, WOOOHOOO.saw floater that was awsome, thank you John;) ummmm thats bout it
peace
current mood:  silly
current music: red hot chily peppers:what hits
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 11th, 2003
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12:07 pm - hehehe ello
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HEy you all I have been really lazy and not really intrested in writing in this thing because all i really do is work and it doesn't even take up all my time the rest of the time that i am not working i am day dreaming about seeing kyle again. so i have a prety unintresting life right now but it will change soon. Peace out cuz who knows when i will be back to write again.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2003
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7:19 pm - hello
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i feel really sad and don't know why, i don't want to continue school, all i want to do is run away from life, and find happiness, which you find without a life so the whole thing is this really big catch 22. and i thought i was okay with it because if you accept it how can it be hurty? I want to do what i want to do and that would be spend my days in bed with kyle and then go out and play juggle, strech, walk, what ever I don't want to have to do anything and unfortunatly i have to go to class and all that bit because i paied for it. Life is hard when one doesn't have any goals, but i do and school isn't really part of it. I just want to be happy and right now i don't want to go home i am almost dreading it, i don't want to take finals and i don't want to play piano... I just want to love and be loved... and most of all enjoy what i am doing. Because with out the enjoy part of life it sucks. I don't understand why i feel this way, just 3 hours ago i was happy as can be and now i am sad and depressed. I almost want to get high. Kim and megan straightend my hair today and i feel all sexy wich is nice, Kyle, Jana, and Silis are coming to pick me up and were going to have dinner. It should be fun. I can feel my moods, and they are whirling around confused like. I hate this... i started packing up my shit today, i took down most of the poetry i had on my walls and a lot of my pictures. I miss Jessica... and i don't really know what else to put down.
the day is coming to an end like life in which we experiance so much buety and vitality but in the end who knows what happens, not I...Should this be a problem or can a human actually be content not knowing the outcome? This is a scary time in wich to live... Everything can dissapear with in minutes, do we care?
current mood:  contemplative
current music: lithium:nirvana
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 28th, 2003
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8:20 pm - some times you just get the urge to say I love you
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So, I missed piano again today... i spent the night with Kyle and I swear i could have said i love you and ment it. it is horrible i don't want to think about leaving, or him leaving. things are going by too fast and i don't want it to. AHHHHHHHH the turmoil in my head.... oh well... it is life, no? I think i need to be tamed... any who i board and not wanting to do spanish because it is book work, and write a paper for piano or start my reaction paper for phsyc. I am tierd and want to fall asleep intangeld with Kyle. (Brian if you read this... I will tell you about it later...)
current mood:  blah
current music: gorrilaz
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 27th, 2003
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8:51 pm - hey
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Not much going on here... started drinkin yesterday around 3 pm. hehehe that is sooo bad... hope all is well....
current mood: bored
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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4:00 pm
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so umm not much has been goin on... happy late easter and 4-20... Ganja food is nice,Kyle is nice and life is good right now... good luck with finals i hope i do well only two mondays left... later
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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10:17 pm
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hi you all... Today was gerate i ran into Kyle, i like him a lot..he is a nice guy... umm any way we spent a half hr together talking, it was good... and umm lets see oh and tomarrow i start acro trainging, i am soo excited. and ahh lets see thats about it late...
current mood:  indescribable
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003
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8:48 am - Arrr maties
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so Friday i went to Davis with the circus club... and Saturday we were in a perade with the mlj (Marching Lumberjacks)
Oh my gosh it was soooo much fun... and then we partied so hard woo free drinks for all.. I am learning acro i am sooo excited and i think i am going to learn poe and i am learning how to jugle too because it would be bad if i didn't acording to Shay... any who... we left the party around 2:30 am and i just got home... I haven't slept at all... Hell yeah! i went from being drunk and stoned to sober with out sleep yay... but unfortunatly the fier breathers had some troubble and Siles's face was on fier.. 2 degree burn on the face sad... and suckie... Hearts to ya man... so yeah and i have a date tonight... i am excited... okay okay bye bye
current mood:  crazy
current music: Bloodhound gang
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 7th, 2003
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4:22 pm - Dr. Sugarshakers house of sin
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The show was a hit... it sold out all three nights, and we are going to perform again in May. I am really glad i decided to do the show... the people are really chill. I am having fun and I hope you all are too...
current mood:  thankful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003
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10:07 pm - QuIzZeS
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 </p>
Where do you deserve to be
right now?
I took the fruity fruit quiz
made by rav-chan
Check out which fruit you are
Red:
Aren't you the romantic? Life is poetic. If you
don't already, write poetry, you're good at it.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the Marquis Da Sade. Even stripped of
exaggerations, Your real life was as dramatic
and as tragic as a cautionary tale. Born to an
ancient and noble house, you were married
(against your wishes) to a middle-class heiress
for money, caused scandals with prostitutes and
with your sister-in-law, thus enraging your
mother-in-law, who had you imprisoned under a
lettre de cachet for 14 years until the
Revolution freed you. Amphibian, protean,
charming, you became a Revolutionary,
miraculously escaping the guillotine during the
Terror, only to be arrested later for
publishing your erotic novels. You spent your
final 12 years in the insane asylum at
Charenton, where you caused another scandal by
directing plays using inmates and professional
actors. You died there in 1814, virtually in
the arms of your teenage mistress.
You are a revolutionary deviant. I applaud you.
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim
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(comment on this)
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9:33 pm - oh what a night
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so yesterday i was drinkin and smokin, first i hung out with hanna around 7-11 and we smoked a couple of bowls and drank hard apple cider, that stuff is really good, then i came back to my room and took shots of vodka with Megan, yeah i took about three in a row after having about three cider things,then Megan left with Mike and I went with Kim up stairs to see her ex boyfriend and then i drank a beer and smoked another bowl. I got prety fucked up last night, and had bit of a hang over this morn. but all is well and i may go dancing tonight... it is gay lesbian and bisexual night at club west. woo hoo. I did get a lot done this morning, i cleand my side of the room and did laundry, i was surprised by the amount or energy i had considering i had gone to bed maybe 4 hours before i got up. hehehe life is funny. Hope you all are having fun and umm enjoying what you have cuz you never know when you'll lose it.
current mood:  tired
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
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7:27 pm - hidie hi folks
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Hi I have been prety buisy getting ready for the burlesq and all... I wish you all could see it. any who not much has changed... classes and what not its all good
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 8th, 2003
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1:16 pm - ummm hi....
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hi, whew haven't been here in a while. hehehe it's kinda scary... so umm had a couple lonely night this week, I think it's getting time to move on to somewhere new. I really want to travel, i would like to see and experience a lot of new things, un expectable things. Any way a complaint- i did laundry today and spent $10, way to much to wash my clothes, And the freakin dryer didn't even dry my clothes. i am mad, oh very mad... Family ishues are still happening. apparently my dad told my my mom if she wants a divorce she can have one, crap... any way life is peachy... hope everything is going good for you guys... i just have to remember life is a bitch and everything is greener on the other side of the fence.
Love you all
jenn
current mood:  confused
current music: tony dj on krfh
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 14th, 2003
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4:09 pm - who would have guessed
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4:00 pm - Happy V Day
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the day of venerial diesease... hahaha, el dia de amore... oh what the fuck the day of hell. this day is nice, for the most part, it wasnt too cold or too hot, i feel okay still sick though. It seems as though i went meant to be with my love or crush for that matter... it is inevidable that the day will suck. in light of that i am going party jhopping tonight. let the fun begin when jen party hops by herself, stupid move the crowd says, i agree but if no one goes with me, screw them i can take care of myself, right? BEside i may only go to one party and that would be at chris's house on sunny bre'. Bring on the night and the beer cuz it is saint valentiens day. Party hard...
Jenn
current mood:  determined
current music: Goldfinger
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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2:14 pm - Sick as a Dog
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Hello... I wish i could say i am doing gerate but unfortuneatly i am sick. Other than that i am okay... School is school and I have two older men after me... 30 and stefen 32, It is defeniatly intresting. I have noticed i am too nice. And I am starting to count the days untill next weekend... I get to see JEss :). so i hope i feel better by then, which i should. Today is rainy so i am wearing the big 20s style hat... hehehe... oh I had a straberry and cream scone with mexican hot chocolat... mmm muy sabroso. it was like heaven had sent down happieness through food. I hope you all are doing well.
Jenn
current mood:  sick
current music: CAKE
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
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1:44 pm
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1:13 pm - hi
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hi, i am sad, i dont know why but i am... this weekend was freezing fun. hehehe. class is class and now on with the rest of my life... I may get to go see Jess next weekend witch should be fun. I miss her... I think i am lost but I know where i want to go... yo no quirro viven mas porque el mundo es mal. there is too much shit going on in the world right now... I want to disapear from it all with out a trace. I would like to live on a tropical island far away from the rest of the world and live there contently with my friends and family... oh I highly recomend watching y tu mama tambien... *f*n good movie. sigh not much else going on.
*I am a little world made cunningly of elements and an angelic sprite, But black sin hath betray´d to endless night My world´s both parts, and oh both parts must die. You wich beyond that heaven which was most high have found new sphears, and of new lands can write, pour new seas in mine eyes, that so i might drown my world with my earnestly, Or wash it, if it must be drown´d no more. But oh it must be burnt; alas the fier of lust and envy have burnt it heretofore, and made it fouler; let their flames retier, and burn me o lord, with a fiery zeal of thee and thy house, which doth in eating heal*
Holy Sonnet V
current mood: melancholy
current music: Rancid
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jennierae's journal
